If you’re an American Idol contestant, your goal is to get into the Top 5.  From that lofty position you should immediately proceed down the fast track to stardom.  Right?  Not this year.  Last night’s AI episode should have been called “Goldilocks and The Three Somnambulists.”  These were the best movie songs available to sing?  What a collection of forgettable performances.  They oughta just call this year a draw and put America out of its misery   

Are you beginning to see the light?  Lee DeWyze is a flash in the pan.  Now he just looks like he’s bored with the whole thing.  And “Kiss From A Rose”?  Quick!  Name which movie it’s from—and no googling.  It was an add-on to the “Batman Forever” soundtrack.  Sure it won the 1996 Grammy for Song Of The Year, but talk about sleepy.  Lee was on pitch about one-third of the song and should be in the Bottom 2 tonight.    

What would possess Michael Lynche to pick a Michael Jackson song from “Free Willy” of all things?  That choice alone should get him sent home.  Even had his performance been stellar, you knew he was going to get ridiculed by the judges.  “Michael Jackson” and “Free Willy”?  I bet you can think of about 5 bad jokes right now.  That’s what the whole thing was: a bad joke.   

Poor ol’ Casey James.  He gets to put a guitar back in his hands this week, and it’s Mini Me.  (Easy joke there, too.)  The judges spent more time laughing about Kara being Casey’s Mrs. Robinson than they did evaluating his performance of the Simon and Garfunkel classic from
“The Graduate”.  Can’t say that I blame them.  Not much to talk about with Casey’s performance. 

Crystal Bowersox culminated the evening with a rousing performance from that all-time cinematic classic “Caddyshack”.  “Somebody step on a duck?”  All I could think about when Crystal was performing “I’m Alright” was a dancing gopher. 

The duets were good, but I was so bored by then I didn’t care.   

Bottom Two

The only thing I know is that Crystal won’t be one of them. She was the only one awake by the end of the show.

I’m finally starting to believe my wife.  She’s been calling me an idiot for years, and after last night, her diagnosis is confirmed.  I am an idiot!  I’m certainly not sane by Einstein’s definition:  continuing to do the same thing over and over again expecting a different result.  I’m idiotically insane because I keep expecting America to vote rationally on American Idol.  Think about it.  Casey James is in the Bottom 3 for two weeks in a row, and he doesn’t even make the Bottom 2 last night; Michael Lynche, Sinatra Week’s best performer, does; along with Aaron Kelly, who had one of the better performances Tuesday night.  Ultimately, little Ed Norton, Jr., got the heave-ho. 

Cathy, our wonderful receptionist, encapsulated the entire show this morning.  She said, “They paid Lady Gaga $250,000 for that?!”  Yep, and for a lame remake of “La Isla Bonita” at that. 

American Idol is officially off the rails now.  Tuesday night’s audience of 17 million was the lowest since 2002.  I, for one, am not inspired by any of the remaining contestants.  But, as the intrepid blogger that I am, I’ll continue to slog through to the bitter end.  Don’t you know that Simon is just itching to be out of there?  And it looks like just in time, too.

How I Rank Them (Idiot That I Am)

1. Lee DeWyze–Only because he’s the judges’ pet.
2. Crystal Bowersox–By all rights should be the winner.
3. Casey James–Only because he’s so cute—whatever.
4. Michael Lynche–Still the most talented of the bunch.

I’m starting to feel like a TV weatherman.  Trying to predict the Bottom 3 each week on American Idol is like predicting the weather; you’re going to be wrong half the time.  At least there’s some science to weather prognostication, though.  One thing I’m 100% sure of:  Casey James is out.  He may have blue eyes, but the Chairman of the Board he ain’t.  Here’s how Frank Sinatra night played out:

Aaron Kelly gave what I thought was the second-best performance of the night, contrary to what the majority of the judges thought.  (Again, I think the judges are irrelevant at this point anyway.)  “Fly Me To The Moon” was nicely nuanced and sweetly sung.  He’ll probably be in the Bottom 3, but he doesn’t deserve it based on this performance.

Casey just had his last at-bat.  I thought Willie Nelson’s version of “Blue Skies” was the worst ever.  Not anymore.

I actually think Crystal Bowersox will be in the Bottom 3 tonight.  This is her second week of blasé performances.  She picked a really inferior Sinatra song in “Summer Wind”, and it was much too breezy.  The song would have been better if she’d howled a bit more. 

Hands-down best performance of the night?  Michael Lynche and “The Way You Look Tonight”.  I thought that Big Mike would be in his element with Ol’ Blue Eyes, and he didn’t disappoint.  Mike proved again that he’s the most talented of the remainder of the contestants. 

I don’t care what the judges say, Lee DeWyze ain’t all that.  I thought he was off-beat throughout most of “That’s Life”.  The song lost all of its swagger in Lee’s bluster.  He’s the judges’ pet, but he’s a scruffy mutt if you ask me.

My Bottom 3

Lee DeWyze

Crystal Bowersox

Casey James

What I Think The Bottom 3 Will Actually Be

 Aaron Kelly

Crystal Bowersox

Casey James

I really thought that Casey would continue to grow throughout the season, but he didn’t.  There will still be an opportunity for him as a modern-day Bob Seger, but ultimately I think he’s destined to be a side player.

Really looking forward to tonight’s show.  Can’t wait to see what Lady Gaga pulls out of her hat. 

Told you it was a crap shoot!  The over-the-top finish that Siobhan Magnus did on “Any Man Of Mine” was over the line for much of America.  So, she’s out and Little Edward Norton is still in.  Heck, Aaron Kelly wasn’t even in the Bottom 3.  The only one I actually got right was Michael Lynche.  This is the second time in as many weeks that Casey James has been in the Bottom #3, so he may be on his last leg.  That means Casey may have one more “at the bat” next week.    

Incredible show last night with great performances by Lady Antebellum and a new “Country” act called Sons Of Sylvia.  Sons Of Sylvia is a new band that’s touring with Carrie Underwood and they’re close cousins to Kings Of Leon.  Have no idea why anybody would classify S.O.S. as “Country”, cuz they sound like the second coming of U2.  I guess it’s because the lead singer held a fiddle the whole time he sang.  He didn’t even play it, but if you’ve got a fiddle, dagnabbit, then yer Country.  Yee-haw! 

Rascal Flatts performed last night, too, but Gary Vox was not in his best vox.  I don’t know if there was a problem with his in-ear monitors or what, but he was pitchy, Dogg.  Besides that, the guy creeps me out.  He has what a psychologist would call “flat affect.”  The dude’s facial expression never changes.  He never smiles, frowns, winces—nothin’.  Weird.

And did you notice how smoothly the show moves without the mind-numbing chatter of the judges?

Here’s the Fab Five and how I rank ‘em on talent alone:

• Crystal Bowersox
• Michael Lynche
• Casey James
• Lee DeWyze
• Aaron Kelly

Here’s how I rank ‘em on how I think America will vote:

• Crystal Bowersox
• Lee DeWyze
• Aaron Kelly
• Michael Lynche
• Casey James

Now we’ve got a horse race.  Tim Urban’s Teflon coating finally wore off, and he got stuck with the American Idol pink slip.  He caught a break when he didn’t have to sing himself off the show because of how long Idol Gives Back ran over.  It was about 9:20 when the announcement was made, which meant that all the Gleeks missed the last half hour of the ensuing GLEE episode when they DVR’d it.  (FOX got so much invective in the social media that they decided to re-run GLEE on Friday night.)  Ryan Seacrest had said Tuesday night that the show would run long, so I allowed an extra half-hour for my recording and was able to catch all of Idol Gives Back.  The highlight was the performance of “Stairway To Heaven” by an all-star band of Steve Vai and Orianthi on guitars, Travis Barker from Blink 182 on drums, A.I.’s Randy Jackson on bass, and the incomparable Mary J. Blige on the lead vocal.  Mary J. is quite possibly the coolest person on the planet.  She’s one of the few artists who can step between genres and perform each with authenticity and integrity.  If you’ve never heard her version of U2’s “One”, do yourself a favor and Google it right now.  Carrie Underwood once again proved why she is the superstar that she is when she sang “Change”.  That’s how you take ownership of a song.  Carrie wrings every bit of emotion out of every song she sings.  Can’t wait to see her here in October.  (BTW—Tickets for Carrie’s concert at INTRUST Bank Arena go on sale Saturday.)  Joss Stone and Jeff Beck blazed through “I Put A Spell On You”.  Stone is today’s preeminent Blues singer.  Talk about an old soul; she’s only 23 and she sings like she’s lived decades of hard times and pain.  Incredible.   As far as the other performances go–Black Eyed Peas were terrible, Elton John was so-so, and Alicia Keys was solid.  George Lopez’ roasting of the judges was funny and on the money; and Wanda Sykes’ skewering of the whole Idol process was really good, too.  Overall, I thought the show was excellent, but I do have an admission to make:  I fast-forwarded through all the charity vignettes.  Come on—you did it too!  Admit it!

I was pretty much dead wrong in my predictions yesterday.  It’s like the only time I didn’t have Tim Urban getting the boot, and the one time I don’t list him, he gets hosed.  “Bout time.  Wasn’t that surprised to see Aaron Kelly in the Bottom 3, but was pretty stunned when Casey James joined the bunch.  Teflon Tim’s finally gone.  Look for him in a Brady Bunch revival coming to your town soon! 

How I rank the remainder:

1.  Crystal Bowersox
2. Lee Dewyze
3. Casey James
4. Siobhan Magnus
5. Michael Lynche
6. Aaron Kelly

As I’ve said all along, as soon as Tim Urban is gone, we’ll have some semblance of a competition on American Idol Season 9.  After last night’s performances though, Michael Lynche may get booted before Tim does.  Here’s my take on Inspiration Night:

It’s obvious to me after last night that the judges just don’t get Casey James.  They’re always worried about his “connection” to the song like he’s supposed to go all deep and emotional every time he performs.  They’re over-thinking it.  On Fleetwood Mac’s “Don’t Stop” Casey sang great, he ripped up the guitar, and women swooned.  Screams “Rock Star” to me.    

I also don’t get why the judges fall all over themselves for Lee Dewyze.  His performance of Simon and Garfunkel’s “The Boxer” was decent, but it wasn’t epic like they made it sound.  A lot of the song is “Lie La Lie” so he’s just singing a recurring refrain over and over again.  Just like he did in “Hey Jude” which is all just “Nah Nah Nah Na Na Na Nah”.  Where’s the deepness in that? 

Teflon Tim may just slide by again.  His performance of “Better Days” by Goo Goo Dolls was pitchy, but at least the song suited his ability as a singer.  That’s contrary to the song that Michael chose which we’ll get into in a bit.

Simon had an off night last night.  He missed the boat on Casey and made a bone-headed observation about Aaron Kelly’s performance.  After Aaron did a bang up job on R. Kelly’s “I Believe I Can Fly”, Simon said, “If I heard that song on the radio, I’d turn it off.”  That might be good advice in the early rounds of the competition, but at this point it’s not the point.  In fact, Simon could’ve said that for virtually every one of the performances last night.  Would you keep your radio on The Buzz if you heard Crystal’s version of “People Get Ready” completely out of context?  You’d hit scan in a nanosecond.  How did Aaron stack up against the rest of the competition is the real question; and the answer is he did just fine, thank you.

The show was running short on time at the end, and it’s largely due to Siobhan Magnus’ inability to speak coherently.  She was trying to explain why she chose to sing Mariah Carey’s “When You Believe” and only succeeded in convincing me that she doesn’t exactly have both oars in the water.  Her performance wasn’t stellar, but she’ll be back next week.

Michael Lynche is in trouble tonight.  He picked a song that didn’t suit his ability, and although he’s immeasurably more talented than Teflon Tim, he may get the boot tonight.  Michael sang “Hero” by Chad Kroeger of Nickelback, and it just didn’t work.

Crystal Bowersox knocked another one out of the park with a sublime rendition of Curtis Mayfield’s “People Get Ready”.  Now, that’s inspiration!           

And speaking of inspiration, can’t wait to see Carrie Underwood, Black Eyed Peas, Sir Elton John, and Alicia Keys perform tonight on Idol Gives Back.

Your Bottom 3

1. Siobhan Magnus
2. Tim Urban
3. Michael Lynche

It pains me to say it, but I think Teflon Tim survives.  There will be no reprieve for Michael tonight.

Adam Lambert once again proved why he’s the true American Idol from Season 8.  Kris Allen’s a nice guy, but he will never electrify a stage like Adam.  Adam is one daring performer.  He makes those really high screeching notes sound effortless, but, trust me, they’re not.  You gotta have confidence that your voice won’t crack, because if it does, you end up sounding like a doofus.  Adam nailed those notes in “Whataya Want From Me”, making it the highlight of the evening.

My big question is, “Who told Justin Gaston he could sing?”  (Probably his ex Miley Cyrus.  Like she’s an expert on singing.)  On the other hand, Brooke White sounded better than she ever did when she competed on Season 7.  The producers should’ve just let her do a solo.  As it was their duet on “If I Can Dream” was a nightmare.

I can’t brag too much about being correct in my prediction that Andrew Garcia and Katie Stevens would be the ones getting a ticket home.  Based on their performances, they were the obvious choices.  But, you never know with AI voters.  It was heartening to hear that Michael Lynche wasn’t even in the Bottom 3 after being saved last week.

Here are my rankings as we go into the round of 7:

1. Crystal Bowersox
2. Casey James
3. Lee Dewyze
4. Siobhan Magnus
5. Michael Lynche
6. Aaron Kelly
7. Tim Urban

I get Lennon and McCartney night.  Most of their songs are timeless.  But Elvis?  Don’t get me wrong, Elvis will always be the progenitor of rock ‘n’ roll.  He started the rock revolution by bringing to white audiences what had heretofore been exclusively Black music.  Most of us aren’t old enough to remember how scandalous Elvis was to many Americans, especially in the segregated South.  Frankly, I’m glad I missed that shameful part of our history.  All I can say is, “Long live rock ‘n’ roll!”  But, let’s face it, most of Elvis’ music just isn’t relevant anymore, outside of its historical context.  So, for a show that’s all about youth Pop culture to require its contestants to modernize these songs is a tall order.  Last night could be the single worst night in American Idol history.  It was that boring.  The only bright spot was Adam Lambert’s expert coaching.  Of the mentors so far this year, Adam’s criticisms were the most constructive. 

Crystal Bowersox had the best performance of the night, largely because she performed an obscure Elvis movie song called “Saved”.  This was really smart because the audience has nothing to compare her version to.  Again Crystal picked a song that’s right in her wheelhouse and she solidified her position as the frontrunner.

Andrew Garcia turned “Hound Dog” into “Wienie Dog”.  If this guy isn’t gone tonight I’ll be surprised.  “Putrid” was the first word that came to my mind last night. 

Believe it or not, I don’t think that Turban will be in the Bottom 3 tonight.  King Cheesy picked the King’s cheesiest song, so it fit him like a glove.  I know, I know…”Can’t Help Falling In Love With You” is a classic.  But, come on.  These may be the cheesiest lines ever set to music:

 Like a river flows

Surely to the sea

Darling, so it goes

Some things are meant to be.

I’m sure they were cool in 1961, but in 2010?

Lee Dewyze had another strong performance thanks to Adam’s tips.  Lee looked like he was having fun singing “A Little Less Conversation”.  He turned what was probably the most dated song of the night into something almost relevant.

The judges gave Aaron Kelly a hard time about being less than convincing on “Blue Suede Shoes”, but they missed the point altogether.  Any 16-year old doing that song is not going to be convincing.  There hasn’t been anything like that song in popular culture since The Stray Cats in the ’80’s, which Aaron’s parents are almost too young to remember.  Perfect case in point for why Elvis should be banned from AI forever.

Call me crazy, but I loved Siobhan Magnus’ take on “Suspicious Minds”.  I don’t care if it sounded like two different songs.  The judges thought that was a problem, because?  Would they say the same thing about Queen’s “Bohemian Rhapsody”?  I think there are four or five songs in that one.  I almost always agree with Simon, but he got this one wrong.

I hoped someone would do my favorite Elvis song.  (Yes, I have one.)  Mac Davis’ “In The Ghetto” remains to this day one of the most poignant songs ever written and Elvis gave it the most heartfelt, mournful vocal of his career.  Michael Lynche did it proud.  I just don’t think that it will resonate with the Idol audience.  The song was especially apt when it was released in 1969, but the word “ghetto” has been out of our vernacular since the ‘70’s.   

Katie Stevens sang “Baby, What Do You Want Me To Do?”  Well, Katie you’re cute as a button, but I want you to go home. 

The Wizard Of Oz had its Tin Man.  American Idol has its Wood Man.  His name is Casey James.  Could he have been any less excited to sing “Lawdy, Miss Clawdy”?  If he doesn’t show some emotion, Casey is going to be running third behind Crystal and Lee.

Here’s how I rank ‘em from last night:

1. Crystal Bowersox
2. Lee Dewyze
3. Michael Lynche
4. Siobhan Magnus
5. Tim Urban
6. Aaron Kelly
7. Casey Jame
8. Katie Stevens
9. Andrew Garcia

Two people are going to be ousted tonight, since Michael was saved last week.  Here’s who I think should be going home:

Andrew Garcia

Katie Stevens

Notice that I said “should be”.  I’m offering my opinion as if American Idol were a talent show.  Silly me.

If before last night’s episode you were still one of the naïve few who thought that American Idol was a talent contest, you now know that you were delusional.  (Actually, if you still thought AI was a talent contest, then you must have started watching the show after season 6.  That was the Sanjaya season.)  American Idol is a popularity contest, and the general public has no clue as to what true talent is.  Talent is a gift, and so is the ability to recognize it.  That’s why there are people like Simon Cowell who make millions of dollars discovering talent simply because they know it when they see it.  If this were a talent contest Tim Urban would no longer be on the show.  The fact that he wasn’t even in the Bottom 3 last night was preposterous.  The single most talented person on the show was booted last night, but thankfully, the people that do know true talent saved him.  The judges used their one save of the season to rescue Michael Lynche.  Michael was in the Bottom 3 with Andrew Garcia and Aaron Kelly.  If you caught my blog yesterday I predicted that Andrew and Aaron would be in the Bottom 3; they just should have been there with Tim, not Michael. 

To prove my point that true talent is a rare commodity, I offer up Jason Derulo.  Derulo is a testament to what outstanding production can do for an artist.  His voice is weak and his dancing is a cheap imitation of Michael Jackson.  Moonwalk—check.  Flourish with a gloved fist—check.  Finish words with “Cha!”—check.  The only thing he didn’t do was go “Heee!” and grab his crotch. 

Don’t quite know what Rihanna was doing.  She’s a rock star?  I don’t think so. 

David Archuleta from Season 7 returned to the Idol stage to cap off Lennon & McCartney week with “Imagine”.  David still doesn’t have much stage presence, but there’s no denying he has one of the purest, sweetest voices around. 

My new prediction?  Tim Urban wins American Idol and goes on to star in the Broadway production of Glee.  Fox would love that, wouldn’t they?

Fox is trying to milk every bit of viewership they can out of Idol.  That was not a two-hour show last night.  There was way too much of nothin’ going on including blathering judges and a cameo on-stage appearance by a heckler—now that’s entertainment!  And I’ve come to the realization that Ryan Seacrest is basically a second-rate host.  If AI weren’t the juggernaut that it is, he would not be helping the show at all.  His bantering with Simon is petty and he’s got zero charisma.  Contrast what he does with Jeff Probst of “Survivor” or Tom Bergeron on “Dancing With The Stars”.  No comparison.  Now, back to our show.  Surely this is the week that Tim Urban gets the boot.  But, who knows.  And stop calling me Shirley.

I said yesterday on the air that Adam Lambert was going to be the mentor for this week, but I got my wires crossed.  He won’t be on until next week.  They actually didn’t even have a mentor this week. 

Last night was Lennon and McCartney night, and Katie Stevens and Casey James had breakout performances.  Here’s my take on each performance in its order of appearance:

Aaron Kelly’s act is wearing thin.  I even predict that he’ll be in the Bottom 3 tonight.  To put it short and sweet, “The Long And Winding Road” was straight-out boring.

Finally Katie Stevens displayed why she made it to the Top 24 in the first place.  She seemed much more confident in her ability and belted out a strong version of “Let It Be”.  I certainly liked her version better that Kris Allen’s whiny version a few weeks ago.  She might not even be in the Bottom 3 this week which would be a big break for her.

Andrew Garcia’s corny version of “Can’t Buy Me Love” bought him a ticket back to the Bottom 3 again this week. 

Whether he wins American Idol or not—and I don’t think he will–Michael Lynche is undoubtedly the most multi-faceted talent in this competition.  Big Mike can handle every thing form R&B, to Pop, to Broadway with aplomb.  Loved his Broadway-esque take on “Eleanor Rigby”.  The song lends itself to melodrama, so I think it was entirely appropriate, contrary to what Simon said about it.

Didn’t love her version of “Come Together” by Crystal Bowersox, but at this point she’s got first or second locked up so it doesn’t really matter what she does.

Then there’s Tim Urban.  And again I say, “Gimme a break.”  I didn’t think it was possible to make a 60’s song sound even older, but I could see Potsie singing Tim’s version of “All My Lovin’” on Happy Days.  Talk about cheese!  It had more than a chili dog at Arnold’s!

Casey James is the man!  The man to beat in this competition, anyway.  “Studly” delivered his breakout performance of the competition, channeling Bob Seger on John Lennon’s “Jealous Guy”. 

I love Siobhan Magnus.  She’s quirky and bold.  Who else would try to sing “Across The Universe” as a soaring diva ballad?  The phrasing alone on the song is almost impossible to pull off, and Siobhan did it admirably.  Problem is, she’s just too weird to win.

Lee Dewyze rivals Casey in talent, but ultimately I don’t think he has the charisma to win.  “Hey Jude” was a bad song choice.  The song quickly devolves into “Naaah Naaah Naaah Na-na-na-naah” and when the bagpipe player came down the stairs it was just too much.  I give this one a big raspberry.

Here’s how I rank ‘em this week:

1. Casey James
2. Michael Lynche
3. Crystal Bowersox
4. Siobhan Magus
5. Katie Stevens
6. Lee Dewyze
7. Andrew Garcia
8. Aaron Kelly
9. Tim Urban

Next week the show cuts back to an hour-and-a-half which is still too long for 8 contestants.  Expect much filler.